Alone in a Crowd

Vibha Akkaraju
4 min readMar 20, 2020
Empty shelves at a grocery store in Oakland, CA

Pandemic Papers — March 20, 2020

As soon as we heard of the shelter-in-place order, we rushed to Costco. It turned out, so had the rest of the town. The same shared anxiety about the pandemic had brought us all here. What if the world runs out of bread, milk, egg, cereal, cheese? What if the stores shutter and stay that way? Van-sized carts brimming with pantry and freezer foods — gigantic packages of meats, cellophaned trays of five dozen eggs, orange juice in bathtub quantities — when the apocalypse comes, everyone seems to have decided, let it find me well fed.

But nowhere to be seen were Costco’s main attractions, the sampling stations with ladies wearing shower caps and disposable nitrile gloves, handing out bits of crackers with cheese, half a chicken dumpling in tiny paper bowls. That’s usually where the shoppers would congregate, sharing a cocktail party moment with strangers. “No, please, you go ahead,” you would say politely to another shopper as you both approach the last paper cup of chocolate-covered almonds. He would give you a smile in way of thanks.

Even those small gatherings are discouraged in the time of corona. Yet the shoppers need to bond. As my husband stands in line about twenty shoppers deep, the woman behind him keeps talking to him. She has stepped to the side of her cart, the better to be heard, I presume. I’m running back and forth…

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Vibha Akkaraju

I write to give shape to my thoughts. And because I can Ctrl+Z.